Vulnerability is so Hard!
And how to have hot sex for life!
Brené Brown’s seminal 2010 TED Talk on The Power of Vulnerability has 65 million views on the TED site alone. If you’re one of the few people who missed it, it’s a thoughtful exhortation to treat ourselves with kindness and understand that in order to connect with other humans, we have to set aside our fear that we are not worthy of love and connection.
Brown says that “in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen - really seen.” But for so many of us, especially if we survived emotionally unsafe situations as kids, showing our flaws does not feel beautiful, and vulnerability does not feel safe.
Listen here! Episode 74: Vulnerability is So Hard!
All this to say, I’m often scared to be seen because I fear that the things that are f*cked up about me will make me unlovable. Objectively, I know this is not true. I love imperfect people every single day - why should that love not be reciprocal? I’m working on changing my mind about all of this by sharing my authentic self with you in every solo episode (this one included).
I’m also working on the willingness to be vulnerable with the men in my life who are worthy of really knowing me. But I’m also grateful for the ability to connect without having to be so raw, to have casual intimacy of the “friends with benefits” variety that doesn’t exact the same kind of emotional cost as deep, vulnerable love. One is a nourishing and satisfying meal, and the other is a kind of relationship take-out. I, for one, am grateful they’re both on the menu.
🔥🔥🔥Pleasure warning: this is a deliciously NSFW episode! 🔥🔥🔥
Episode 75: How To Have Hot Sex for Life with Susan Bratton
I have never met a hotter 62 year-old than Susan Bratton. Outspoken and sharp as a whip, Susan is a former Silicon Valley tech executive who is clearly living her best life as an “intimacy expert to millions,” with an empire of sex ed publications, a libido enhancing product line, a husband of 30-years AND a husband-approved boyfriend. I’ll give you a moment to let that last part sink in.
When I told Susan I thought she was punk rock (my highest compliment as a Gen X former private school punk wannabe) she responded, “I’m an anarchist!” And indeed she is. Susan is seeking to liberate us - both women and men - from the repressive “cult-ure” that defines sex through the lens of porn and the movies rather than through heart-connected intimacy that turns having sex into making love.
In these quasi-Puritanical times, her straight talk about sex is so threatening to the powers that be that she reports she’s been shadow-banned on Instagram, and I’m not surprised: the kind of straight-talking, sex-positive message that Susan preaches is gloriously open and shame-free - just the kind of match to light a fire and burn the patriarchy (and what Susan calls “patriarchal sex”) to the ground.
We talk about penis pumping and feminine waters and all kinds of blush-worthy things in a direct, science-informed way. The message here is that sex is GOOD FOR US - an oxytocin-soaked fountain of youth that comes from healthy communication, lubrication and getting your blood flowing to all the right places. Dip your toe into Susan’s expertise by checking out her Personalized Sex Life Plan Assessment to establish your sexual lay of the land or Sex Life Bucket List for lots of hot ideas.
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